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The Garden of Marriage

My husband and I hiking Mt. Whitney.

Guard my marriage - words that many of my wise and spiritual mentors have said to me over the years. Well I want to say- That is easier said than done! We have kids, a dog, a hamster, a home, 2 cars, a garden, a chiropractic practice, a blog and on and on and on. I bring all these things up because these are responsibilities my husband and I have chosen to under take. Most of the time- we chose it gladly. But I left out our marriage and our love story. Our marriage requires time and attention to maintain our love and our amazing team work that we have to create a happy home.

Most people believe that doing a common date night means they have a great marriage and they are doing what they need todo. But let’s look at a few statistics that would argue that this is not enough to keep our marriage vital and strong.

  • 88% of Americans report that the reason they get married is for Love

  • 81% of Americans report that they get married to make a life long commitment

  • 23% of Americans have been married before

  • 17% of Newlyweds are inter-racial couples

  • 39% of Americans are married to someone in a new religion

  • 64% of Married couples say that common interests are important in a marriage

  • 61% of Married couples say that Sex is an important part of marriage (Remember this takes time)

  • 56% of Married Couples say that shared household chores is important in a good marriage (this is on the rise of women in the work force. Women now comprise more than 57.1% )

  • 86% of Men want to pay the bills (women don’t care as much interestingly)

  • 21% of Married couples report that texting can be sexy and romantic

  • 93% of Women prefer to be asked on a date even if they are married.

  • 52% of Women want to see good manners still true when married

  • 57.1% of Men who are funny tend to get romanced by their partner more so keep the fun in the relationship.

Most married couples spend 2 hours and 30 minutes a day together. Here is how it is broken down:

  • Housework 24 minutes

  • Eating 30 minutes

  • Rest of Time: Watching TV

Does the above schedule sound like a recipe for making a happy marriage? Here are a few suggestions to build a long lasting relationship:

  1. 15-20 minutes a day of direct and meaningful conversation (sounds easy but it is hard when you are tired which is why TV becomes a default).

  2. Overnight Away 4x a year with the plan to have a meaningful connection.

  3. 1 weekend away trip 1x a year to plan to be together.

The above recommendation is from several experts, but keep in mind what is suggested in those 3 times is a minimum not a maximum. To change things up, on a TV night, try cuddling to make the time more meaningful. Put away your phones and look at each other and talk. In our house, we have even printed out or gotten a list of hilarious questions if we are ever stumped for what to talk about. We all need help at times. Here are a small list of things we try to keep our marriage connected:

  1. Home dates – for when you have kids and babysitting gets expensive or there is a pandemic.

    1. Popcorn and board game

    2. Pick up Cheesecake and watch a Movie, remember to dress up a bit -no PJ’s unless they are sexy ones.

    3. Play Catch then sit in a hammock in the back yard

    4. Talk and sip tea

  2. Cuddle when you watch TV

  3. Hold hands at Church or other events

  4. Hold hands when walking the dog or put an arm around the waist

  5. Touch a lot while cooking dinner can be very fun

Remember that happy marriages will lead to a happy home and this pours more love back into your kids. This also gives your children a good example and a better shot at their own happier relationships.

I love happy marriages - how do you keep your marriage strong?

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